Don't You know who I am?

I never have understood celebrity and hero worship very well.

As a kid I idolized sports heroes and a few other famous people. I got a few autographs and had my picture taken with a few celebrities. What did I know? I was a kid and was taught that’s how it worked.

Over time though, I never knew what to do with the autographs and pictures I had. Does one display them? Should I be proud of the fact that at one brief moment in time a “famous” person and I each stood next to each other for a brief second? Do I need to provide photographic evidence of this chance encounter? Or, is the autograph I asked him/her to sign for me a more apt indication of my brush with celebrity?

Then clarity occurred, reality set in.

After the first football game of my freshman year at the University of Minnesota, upon leaving the home team locker room (as a student equipment manager) a young fan, asked me for my autograph. Apparently this person was confused. Obviously they had no idea that I was just a regular Joe.

Why would ANYBODY want MY autograph? And as I thought about it even more I wondered why would anyone want anyone’s autograph? I’ve never asked for another autograph (except once for my lovely bride) since that day. And, I’ve only posed with a few celebrities for pictures, but I chalk that up to being in group shots with friends I was with.

The autograph I got for my lovely bride was from Michael J. Fox (she was a huge fan). He was at a function we attended years ago. He appeared briefly, looked terrified and uncomfortable and left after fulfilling his obligation.

Michael Keaton was there and after 5 minutes talking with him you knew he was as funny in person as he is in his movies. Richard Dean Anderson (MacGyver) was there too. Nice guy, but he was far less impressive because he wasn’t saving the day with a gum wrapper, a shoe lace, and a AA battery like he did every week on his show.

I learned a lot about celebrities that night. They’re just like you and me.

Only they’re famous. They may be more talented. Generally better looking. And they have more money than we do. Other than that, they’re just like you and I.

The part of celebrity I have trouble understanding these days is the way our society idolizes celebrities.

Dancing With the Stars? Who are these people?
The Kardashians? What have they accomplished?
And who the hell is Ryan Seacrest?

I get perverse joy from the stories where people try to work their way out of situations by asking, “Don’t you know who I am?” Well, sweetheart, if you had to ask, no, the police officer evidently,

A. Doesn’t know who you are.

B. Doesn’t care, or,

C. Knows but doesn’t care.

Any way you slice it, you’re still in a jam, and have made an ass of yourself by having an inflated sense of yourself.

I’m most impressed these days though by the celebrities who are who they are and don’t flaunt their status or use their station in life to get what they want. I’ve seen it first hand in two instances, and was impressed both times.

Years ago, front entrance the Ritz Carlton in Atlanta. I was there to meet with my rep from Apex One (designers of THE worst looking Gopher football uniforms in history). The weather was nice, and I was early so I stayed outside and chatted with the doorman. A very sweaty, disheveled, red-faced man in running apparel approached and attempted to enter the hotel. The doorman I was chatting with asked the runner to please use the side entrance rather than walk through the lobby from the front door.

I was incredibly impressed that Phil Knight, founder and majority stock-holder of NIKE, merely told the doorman, “Alright,” and proceeded to the side door. The man could have bought the hotel and had the man fired. Instead he decided to do as he was asked and not raise a stink. Pretty cool.

A few years later, working with the food service at the HHH Metrodome during a Vikings game against the Raiders. A hapless security guard is attempting to keep Al Davis (the President and Senior Operating Partner) of the Raiders out of the press box because he didn’t have a press-box pass. I had one, but it was in my back pocket instead of being displayed. The guard knew me and had let me enter all the time without seeing my pass.

Before Mr. Davis had a chance to protest I mentioned to the security guard that his life would be a lot easier, and his afternoon would go much smoother, if he allowed the guy with the modified Elvis Presley getup, with the slicked back hair, and the bling, into the press box. Upon entering Mr. Davis said to me, referring to the passes needed in NFL stadiums, “Thank you young man, I never remember to wear those damn things.” I replied, “Yeah, I never remember ‘em either.” He laughed and patted me on the shoulder.

I guess celebrities are just regular folks who happen to be famous. Some just handle celebrity (and celebrities) better than others.

Who knew?

Do you ever wonder why...?

Members of my family have long enjoyed the weekly musings of Andy Rooney when he appeared regularly on Sunday nights on the TV show 60 Minutes. Recently it was announced that at age 92 Andy would be stepping back and making only occasional appearances on the show.

More often than not, at some point in his video essays, Rooney would pose the question that I’m using as the title for this post, “Do you ever wonder why...?” He’d pose the question, make his feelings known and then conclude the essay with his own slant on the issue.

Mr. Rooney has been referred to as a curmudgeon, a crank, and an old fart. I always fancied him an older, more famous and successful, version of myself. We both have eyebrows that grow to prodigious lengths and in a myriad of directions. I get mine trimmed regularly. Rooney has not attended to his since, I’d guess from the looks of it, the Nixon administration.

We both like to ask questions to gather information, to evoke a reaction, or, sometimes to just make people think. I’m guessing we could all use a little more time to just sit and ponder, think our thoughts, dream our dreams, and generally just figure crap out.

Now that he’s semi-retired Andy Rooney will have more time to figure things out.

Me? I’m still workin’ for a livin’, so here is a list of things that I’ve given some thought to but haven’t been able to figure out yet.

Do you ever wonder why the people who complain that government is too big (read Conservatives), that it limits their freedom, are most likely to be the ones voting in favor of a constitutional amendment defining marriage in the state of Minnesota as being only between a man and a woman?

These people don’t want government up in THEIR business, but, they are willing to put the government in the bedrooms (sex), hospital rooms (visitation rights), and homes (rights of survivorship), of their neighbors who may love someone of the same sex. How do they rationalize that contradiction?

Who knows?

Do you ever wonder why a faith and belief system (read Catholicism) that holds the Virgin Mary in such high esteem so adamantly opposes even considering allowing women to become priests? (“Catholics campaigning for women priests detained at Vatican.”) http://blogs.reuters.com/faithworld/2011/10/17/catholics-campaigning-for-women-priests-detained-at-vatican/

Really?

Mary is a saint.

Catholics recite Hail Marys, good Catholics do so daily.

But women are not allowed to preach the gospel in Catholic churches? Not allowed to lead Mass? What’s up with that?

Who knows?

Do you ever wonder why you ended up with the career you have? Every time I hear about people starting their careers or changing career directions midstream I always hear talk of, “follow your passion.”

I still haven’t decided what I want to be if/when I grow up. Don’t get me wrong, I like my job and the people I work with, but sitting in a cube working with numbers hardly stirs my passions.

Maybe I should have gone to Rodeo Clown College all those years ago before my freshman year at the U of M. Trying to stay alive, keep a cowboy safe, and a crowd entertained, while a ton of fierce animal attempts to stomp me into the ground, kick me around the arena, or even gore me beyond recognition - I’d like to think THAT would stir my passions.

I'll keep enjoying the job I have, a lot of people are not as fortunate to have a job as good as mine. I’ll just use my spare time instead to follow my passions. I just need to figure out what my passions are.

Who knows?

Coloring inside the lines

As a young child I was taught, both at home and in school that when coloring in a pre-printed coloring book the correct method was to color only inside the lines. That was problematic for me as it took too long and made the activity, which was supposed to be fun, become a chore.

At one point I was given the tip (probably by one of my sisters, or maybe it was my brother) that making a thick line inside of the pre-printed lines with a crayon made the job go quicker. I think housepainters refer to this technique as ‘cutting in’. They typically do this, with a brush, around windows, doors, and trim. Then they finish up the other broad areas quickly with a roller or larger brush. It is a good first step to use in preparation for coloring too.

As a young lad I was impatient and figured I’d never be very good at coloring pictures that someone else had already drawn. I’m not very good at painting houses either. Anyone who visits my parents’ lake home in Ely will attest to that fact. I don’t mind doing it; I like to help when I can. I’m just not good at house painting or coloring, but both of my kids are good at both coloring AND painting. I guess at times the acorns DO fall far from the oak. But I digress.

Don’t get me wrong; I appreciate the value in preparing properly for each and every task. Whether it be studying for a test in school, getting ready for a day at work, or planning a weekend day of just farting around. Ya gotta be prepared.

I guess my real beef with coloring, was being handed someone else’s work in black and white and then being told to ‘be creative’ by filling in the blanks and staying inside the lines.

REALLY?

That’s not creativity, that’s conformity. Maybe I’m a rebel, but I’d rather color MY OWN artwork.

I guess my kindred spirit Peewee Herman summed it up, saying, “There’s things about me you WOULDN’T understand, you COULDN’T understand, you SHOULDN’T understand….I’m a loner Dottie, a rebel.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SvVqWqi36vE

I know Peewee was not the type to stay within the lines.

I’m guessing that Phil Knight, the guy that started Nike, didn’t color within the lines. Now his company offers shoe and clothing lines in every color you can imagine (though he prefers to wear basic black).

Bill Gates? Probably drew his own lines. Then he figured out how to make a lot of money off of them.

Bill Clinton? Well, we all know he crossed a few lines. But he was a pretty good President, an even better ex-President in my view, and an outstanding speaker at my daughter's college graduation. But I digress (again).

School is now back in session, summer has ended, and time marches on. I imagine there are a lot of kids starting school with the Crayola 64 pack (the one with the sharpener built into the back) like I started kindergarten with.

I’m hoping that schools now encourage creativity differently than they did when I was a student. I didn’t enjoy staying within the lines (when coloring nor anything else scholastic), but I figured out early on that doing so made life as a student much easier. So I played the game and soldiered on. I did as I was told, played their game, and blended in and faded into the background.

Having now reached a ripe old age though, I encourage any and all who read this to, when the opportunity arises;

Color OUTSIDE the lines.

Draw YOUR OWN lines.

CROSS a few lines.

Life is short so you might as well stand out. Enjoy the journey. Listen to your inner voice. Do what you must to pay the bills (to avoid becoming a drain on society) but have fun at work, and more importantly, WORK AT HAVING FUN.

Travel even if money is tight.

Take up a hobby even if you’re not great at it.

Sing as loudly outside of the shower as you do while showering.

Dance with those you love even if you have two left feet.

Visit with friends often even if you’re busy.

Cherish family always even though they may be far away.

Help those less fortunate even though it’s easier to ignore their plight.

Instead of always looking ahead, look around and realize how truly blessed you’ve been.

I’m recalling that the most memorable parts of my life, the stuff that has made the whole experience worthwhile, have occurred more often than not, when I wasn’t coloring inside the lines.

Who knew?