My lovely bride and I were racing along the freeway as we were late for a family wedding. How you can be late for a wedding – an event you’ve known about for 5 weeks since the invitation, with a map, were received – has always amazed me. I guess I need to bear in mind the words my favorite US President, JFK, uttered on November 22nd, 1963 before a speech in a Fort Worth parking lot. Mrs. Kennedy had traveled with him to Texas, but was not present on the dais with him that day. Many in the crowd had come to see Jackie, so with apology President Kennedy explained that, “…organizing herself takes longer, but she looks better than we do when she does it.” My lovely bride is far more fetching than I so I best not quarrel that she takes a little more time to address her appearance than I do mine, but I digress.
As we weaved through traffic I may have made a lane change too close to another motorist. The long protracted honk from her horn seemed to confirm this. My flipping her the bird in reaction to her horn solved nothing as she flipped one back at me. Then the thrusting motions of mine only seemed to exasperate her, but they made me feel better; for a short while. A few minutes later, after a little reflection, and the question from my bride, “Did that make you feel better?” I felt like the immature jack-ass I tend to be at times.
As we moved on towards the church we were stuck in construction traffic that infuriated us as we were rapidly running out of time before the start of the wedding ceremony. What infuriated me more was the bumper sticker on one of the cars we were stuck behind. It had a picture of a pointing Uncle Sam, and said, “I Want You, To Speak English”. I too struggle at times to understand foreign tongues and differing dialects, but America is no longer the Melting Pot of our youth. A wise young person (thank you Laura) explained to me a while back that now the conventional wisdom is that we are a Tossed Salad, made up of many different ingredients, each maintaining their distinctive flavors to make a unique whole. Assimilation is a dying concept. Embracing diversity is the new clarion call. I struggle with this at times, but I am trying. Bumper stickers, t-shirts, and sound bites, delineating an Us versus Them attitude seems narrow-minded and confrontational. I did feel better about myself as we do not display a bumper sticker with an intolerant message like that one on our car.
Yesterday the Dalai Lama visited Minneapolis and expressed his desire that humanity re-dedicate themselves to dialogue as a means to developing a more peaceful world. Until now my only real memory of the Dalai Lama was when Bill Murray, as Carl Spackler, the assistant greenskeeper in the movie, CaddyShack, tells a tale to one of the young caddies. Evidently Carl once caddied for ‘the Lamba’ and no tip was offered at the end of the round. When Carl asked, “How about, you know, a little somethin’ for the effort?” The Dalai Lama reportedly said, “There’ll be no money; but on your deathbed you’ll receive total consciousness.” To which Carl added, “So I got that goin’ for me, which is nice.” I hope, like Carl, to receive total consciousness on my deathbed, but it has not been bestowed on me yet, so I guess I’ll need to take what I can from ‘The Lamba’.
Dialogue as a means towards a more peaceful world? Hmm... Sounds far-fetched, but maybe…
An old Native American proverb requests, “Don’t judge a man until you’ve walked a mile in his moccasins.” What better way to stand in someone’s shoes than to participate in a dialogue. Not the closed minded grandstanding that seems to be so common these days, but honest, open, give and take. How about looking at the other person’s side, hearing them out and considering their views? Then, dispassionately explaining your thoughts and then going from there, embracing each other’s differences, and trying to reach agreement in a civil manner.
Perhaps if I can bear in mind the old adage I’ve often mentioned that we are endowed with two ears and one mouth so we should listen twice as much as we talk. Wouldn’t we all be well served if we listened more and said less? Two ears, one mouth. 2 + 1 = 3. Three is a very significant number in Christianity. (Father/Son/Holy Ghost) Problem is I’m not a real regular church-attending guy, so how will I be able to remember 2 ears / one mouth, shut up and listen, don’t be such a jack-ass, use dialogue for peace? I’ve tried to bear it in mind, but Dr. Phil would probably ask, “How’s that workin’ out for ya?” I’d have to answer, “Not so well.”
I need a mnemonic device. Something to jog my memory on those rare occasions when my lovely bride is not there to do so. I’ve always liked HOMES as a way to remember the Great Lakes (Huron, Ontario, Michigan, Erie, & Superior). I’ve also always liked the slogan that my favorite Minnesota Viking, Joe Kapp, used to emphasize that football was a team sport played by individuals that together were greater than the sum of the team’s parts. Upon receiving the team MVP award after the 1969 season Kapp refused the award and said that the team had used the mnemonic, 40 for 60 (40 players giving their all for 60 minutes) as their guiding principle. Since they all bought into it, and contributed to it, Kapp felt there was no one most valuable Viking that year. He walked off of the stage leaving the MVP trophy behind. I’ll never be able to come up with anything that memorable.
What I can do though is look at my left wrist where I have 3 bracelets. I have worn them to remind me of the three most important people in my life; the lovely bride, my daughter, and my son. Now, in addition to reminding me of what is most dear to me I can also use them as a reminder to be a better, more patient, tolerant person. Personal jewelry for self-improvement, Who knew?
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