A Good Samaritan Gets a Brazilian Wax

I am NOT a religious person in the conventional sense. I don’t belong to a particular congregation, denomination, sect, or cult. I do however have a moral code that I try to adhere to.

Like Ferris Bueller, I don’t believe in any ‘isms’.

“-Ism's in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in himself. “ Ferris Bueller

I fear that organized religion, while offering a sense of community and comfort at times of distress and need, have also done an awful lot to cause pain, heartache, discrimination, war, hunger, famine and other global strife. In my view ones religious beliefs are a matter best left between the individual and whatever deity they worship. Sorry, you’ll get no evangelizing or proselytizing from me. I’ll let you believe what you want so I can believe what I want, thank you very much. We could all co-exist more peacefully that way.

I DO believe in the Golden Rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

I DO believe in the Ten Commandments, and, I try to keep the story of the Good Samaritan in mind as I go about my daily chores. As a refresher:

Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’

"Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?” The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”

Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”

I like to lend a hand to those in need whenever I can.

A few years back on one of the first warm spring days, like the ones we are having now, I went to the local gas station to fill up. Remembering at the last minute that my lovely and talented bride likes a nice clean car I decided to pay the extra $5 and get the old rig washed. I paid for gas and a wash and then got in line where the automated system would require that I input the number printed on my receipt and drive into the bay to get a nice wash, rinse and dry ($3 extra for Carnauba wax seemed excessive - so I went cheap).

After waiting about five minutes in line the driver in the car just in front of me, at the key entry pad, became inpatient and started yelling, from his driver’s seat, at the elderly couple who were parked in the car wash bay but were NOT getting their car washed.

I thought of the Good Samaritan and sprang into action. Putting my car in park, I exited and told the loud jack@$$ that I’d see what I could do to help. Then I walked into the car wash bay to tell the couple that was trapped and confused that I would go get help.

No sooner had I approached their back driver’s side door when the back roll-up door that I just walked through closed and the apparatus began to whir and move. It was decision time, try to jump in their back seat, and probably cause a cardiac infarction by one or both of them, or ride out the storm and take it like a man.

I chose to take it like a man.

The expression on the lady’s face as she looked back and saw that I was about to get “The Works” wash (rinse/wash/rinse/undercarriage spray/wax) minus a car to shield me from the high pressure water and chemical solvents, was priceless. Speaking of choices to make, evidently this couple DIDN’T go cheap. They opted FOR the hot Carnauba wax.

As typically happens after incidents like this one, the people in the car drove off without explanation, and I could only chalk it up as a learning experience. I dried off a few hours later, the ‘new car’ smell finally faded from the clothes I had on, and the hair on my legs eventually grew back.

I know that if presented with the same situation again I’d still try to help out those in need.

I did find it interesting though that when trying to find the correct spelling for Carnauba wax I found out that it is a Brazil wax. So, technically, I can say that the short, fat kid, as a Good Samaritan HAS gotten a Brazilian wax.

Who knew?

PS You may have heard the smart-@$$ rhetorical reply to a question whose answer is obviously 'yes', "Is a frog's @$$ watertight?" Well, after this incident I can gladly report that I too have a watertight @$$. (at least up to the 800 psi output used for most gas station car washes)